February 15, 2009I'M BACK!!!!!
Okay so for about the past month, I haven't been able to get on because things are kinda crazy. First I moved houses, then we had no internet, TV, phone for a whole month and I was getting addicted to Guitar Hero III. Still am, but not as much. Then yesterday I had a show choir competition to play in and we won second place in the mixed choir. We were in fifth in women's and for band, we were third overall in women's and third overall in mixed. We had a pretty good first competition. I've also been in practice and I couldn't get near in a computer anywhere but in skool, but they're asses on what websites we can visit. I've been doing knee high homework, and all that junk, but now I'm back and yea....lol. I hope to talk to some of you soon, if not send me a message or something and we'll talk.
Laterz ~mcrqueen~ XilseX XP
Posted on 02/15/2009 6:33 AM Comments (0)
April 26, 2008GSA's (Gay Straight Alliance) Day of SilenceWhen I got ready this morning the horror of being misjugded was already starting to reveal itself. My own brother was doing it. I had to hide it from my mom because she'll think the same thing as my brother. "Ilse's a lesbian!" So what if I was a lesbian? Would it make a difference to them? Would they not love me anymore? Would I die? What?! What wou happen if I was? Would they go against me? At any rate, knowing I'm not, I'm probably one of the only ones who wishes she could be, just to go against the normality. Just to rebel against how people want the world to be. Or how they think it should be, anyway. Just to cause anger in people who have NO reason to hate homosexuality. Even if you say there's a reason to hate it, it wouldn't make sence. I can asure that 100%. If people did the Day of Silence, then they would somewhat grasp what they go through everyday. I'm not any type of homosexual and just by people calling me things, and all that, it hurts. You might sit down and cry. That's what I felt like doing a couple time in the day. Even though it happened to me, and I'm not a homosexual, I still don't know how they do it. They walk down streets, hallway, and life with heads high up without lettinanything pass a firewall inside them, that burns every negative thing. Or maybe I don't know how they keep that firewall alive. Fire might be strong and powerful, but it eventually burns out. It seems like they are the fire. If I haven't judged them before, muchless now. If people, just for once, forgot about their fears being judged and did something rebellious and outrageous like this, It would change their way of thinking. Rebellious and outrageous don't dscribe what it really is. It's socially unexceptable. Peole hide behind their fears just so they're not exposed to something that's real. Something new. Something they didn't know exsisted. Something called the real world. People would rather be lied to and die knowing lies instead of the truth and only truth. That's what I hate most. I call lies FAKENESS! And the fakeness I'm talking about here is the one where you might have slept with a person of your own sex, even once. To you all I say is don't bash homosexuals or homosexuality period because you're just as bad as you think and/or you make them seem. No even worse. You're a lie. A lie to yourself and to others. Now I clearly see who I've respected and admired and how much more respect and admiration they deserve. You should respect them as well, but if you still think the same thing as when you started reading, just know that if anyone of them hate you, they will at least have a reason. Just know many people that seem tolike you hate you just as much as you hate homosexuals for whatever reason.
Love, Ilse ~mcrqueen~
Posted on 04/26/2008 12:34 PM Comments (0)
March 28, 2008LoveX UpdatesHey guys, Okay so I have updates on the band LoveX for those of you who listen to them. They have their new single out. It's called "Take A Shot" it's a great song and if I love it, I know all of you will, too. It came out Febuary 26, 2008. The album will come out in May 2008 for Europe, but will come out in April 30, 2008 in Finland. The album is called "Pretend or Surrender". Go to www.lovex.fi or to http://www.myspace.com/lovexmusicfinland for more information on their ablum and tour throughout Europe. I'm sorry it's not for everyone in the world. I'd also LOVE to see them life. That's all I have for now Loves. All my love, ~mcrqueen~ !ilse!
Posted on 03/28/2008 7:37 PM Comments (0)
I'M BACK!Hey guys, sorry I've been gone for so long. My stupid brother erased the whole computer's memory so I haven't been able to have access to the computer or internet but just in school and even then I couldn't get on it. I have a lot to update so you'll be seeing quite a bit for the next couple hundred weeks. I promise! Just hang in there and I'll give you guys updates on my fanfic 'Cancer', my everyday life, vids from artist, and everything you can think of. I'll be here if you wanna talk to me. Love all of you ~mcrqueen~
Posted on 03/28/2008 5:12 PM Comments (0)
December 20, 2007Nevada Tan_Ein Neuer Tag: From German to EnglishA few word are still in German. I couldn't tranlsate them.
German Version "Ein Neuer Tag" Ohne Licht auf dunklen Wegen ganz allein
English Version "A New Day"
Without light on dark paths alone
Images of the past, pick me again
I always knew it will be difficult to be alone
Posted on 12/20/2007 11:28 AM Comments (1)
Nevada Tan_Neustart Lyrics: German to EnglishA few word are still in German. I couldn't translate them. German Version "Neustart"
Bin mitten in der Nacht erwacht Und ich weiss wenn ich weiter so leb,
English Version "New Start"
Bin middle of the night, awakened
Ref: NEW START For many years I have done nothing
The restart begins Bin middle of the night, awakened
Posted on 12/20/2007 11:22 AM Comments (0)
Nevada Tan_Vorbei Lyrics: From German to EnglishA few words are still in German I couldn't translate them.
German Version "Vorbei" Bis du mich vergisst
English Version "Past"
Until you forget me
Ref
Ref
Posted on 12/20/2007 11:03 AM Comments (0)
November 26, 2007★Casey Calvert★
★CASEY★ ****************************************************************************** Nov. 24th 2006 Today is probably the worst day ever. Its with our deepest regrets that we have to write this. ★Casey Calvert★ passed away in his sleep last night. We found out this afternoon before sound-check. We've spent the entire day trying to come to grips with this and figure out as much as possible. At this time we're not sure what exactly happened. Just last night he was joking around with everyone before he went to bed. We can say with absolute certainty that he was not doing anything illegal. Please, out of respect to Casey and his family, don't contribute or succumb to any gossip you may hear. We don't want his memory to be tainted in the least. Casey was our best friend. He was quirky and awesome and there will truly be no others like him! His loss is unexplainable. As soon as we know more we will let you know. Sincerely, Hawthorne Heights Eron, JT, Micah and Matt ****************************************************************************** We feel the same way. It’s so sad to lose a great artist like him. He was only 26 years old and he was a great guitarist and he had some lungs on him. He could scream like no other. Our best wishes go to him, his family, his fans, and his band. Please leave your best wishes for them all here. Hawthorne Heights is a great band. I’ve posted a pic and my fave video of HH. You should check’em out. They’re amazing! We love you! Best hopes for you wherever you are! You’re a great person you’ll live in our memories. You’re a great star! We don’t have a moment of silence because you deserve much better than that. You deserve a moment of applause! ★R.I.P★ ★CASEY★
!Ilse! ~mcrqueen~
Posted on 11/26/2007 4:25 PM Comments (0)
October 21, 2007Last day of THE DARK!Okay so yesterday was my last marching band competion and it was a lot of fun even though we didn't place. All of the bands there were good in their own definition. The Pike Crimson Rage (my band) wasn't diappointed becuz we ended on a good note and we did extreamly good. I was sad becuz this was the only year I was allowed to share with my bro. We don't get along all the time, but still it was kinda emotional. This was also my VACATION. Meaning I didn't get a vacation. It was all worth it though. We had to go to St. Louis, Missouri to compete. It was a 4 hour drive from Indy. We did a couple stops to get food and stuff. On the buses we played truth or dare and this guy named Jon was dared to lick the dirty ass floor it was funny a hell cuz he did it. Then Mackenzie was dared to sniff his dirty ass socks it was halarious and David was dared to kiss the sock on Jon's foot. It was the most halarious thing. I was dying. I got dared to put my head in the one of the cabinets at the top where people put their bags, pillows, blankets, and all that good stuff. I almost died but I did it. The bus went to a fast halt and yea you get the rest. I just got home at 11:30 last night. I don't konw if I'm gonna be allowed to do it next year so I cried. I might have to go back to Mexico and I really don't want to becuz I really want to do this. All of it was so much fun!
That's basically it for now! Later thanks for taking time to read this! Love you guys! Bye!
~mcrqueen~
Posted on 10/21/2007 1:31 PM Comments (0)
September 21, 2007Cancer-Chapter 7: Meet The HeroesCancer-Chapter 7: Meet The Heroes Another week since James had died. Everyone seemed a lot better. Melady didn’t feel weak or anything. She felt normal. Melany was in the room with everyone. They were listening to Melady’s ipod on her speakers so that everyone was able to hear. They were listening to My Chemical Romance. Everyone who was in the room loved the band. Basically everyone felt the same thing when they listened to them. They all that the music created a shelter for them. They felt release in their songs. Either that or everyone just thought they were plain what everyone calls KICK ASS! They all thought, felt, found all these things and more in their music. It was music that everyone could bury their life in and they could get it even if they hadn’t gone through some of those experiences. Everyone was just listening to the song. Everyone was in their bed and quiet. All you could hear was the music and people breathing, even if they weren’t breathing through a machine and quiet. They were listing to the song "Helena". Melady loved this song so much, as did everyone else. As soon as the song ended the door slammed open. It sounded like a rocket bursting into a building. And since everyone was so quiet, everyone got startled. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,"everyone yelled. It was Melady’s parents. They looked extremely happy. "Guess what?!"asked her mom. "What?!" Everyone said. "Guess who we got to come and talk to you?!"she asked super excited. "Grandma,"Melady said in a very happy voice. "No. Who have you wanted to talk to since day one?" "Hu,"Melady thought for a second,"Ummmmmmmm......Hilary Duff?" Everyone’s face had a small "WHAT THE HELL?" look on it and it looked as if there were question marks glowing above their heads. Something that you would see in a cartoon when the characters are clueless "No,"said her mom. As soon as she said it, a group of guys came into the room. They were all wearing everyone’s favorite color, BLACK. No one could believe their eyes. It was the best band in the universe. It was all of their heroes. It was MCR . "We heard we had a fan who wanted to talk to us,"Gerard said as he came in. "More like ten,"said Angel. She couldn’t count so she didn’t really know how many exactly. "Oh my God! It’s really them. They aren’t in my dreams,"said Nikki. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,"Melany yelled as she each one of the guys one."Am I dreaming?" "If you’re dreaming then we’re having the same dream,"Melady said with her jaw dropped. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh,"Melany kept screaming. Everyone had their hands over their ears. "Could you scream any louder?"Melady asked her. "I dunno. Let me try." And that’s exactly what she did. "It was sarcasm. I didn’t really mean try it again." "Seriously can she scream any louder?"asked Bob. "I don’t know. She’ll try though,"said Melady. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, he just said, ‘Seriously can she scream any louder?’, he thought I was annoying." Everyone just started to laugh hysterically. She was also jumping up and down like a little two year old having to go to the bathroom. She actually made a retarded kid look smart. "So what’s up?"asked Mikey. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, he just said,’So what’s up?’. Everyone turned to look at her. "Forget about her. Nothing much is up, really. I’m just in the bed that I can’t get up from, because every joint in my body will hurt. Since I have bone cancer and lung cancer it’s kinda impossible for me to do anything. Other than that everything’s great. Beautiful day, huh?" "But it’s raining,"said Bob. "Oh well yeah, but uh..........well you know.........since you guys came in, it’s been a beautiful day,"Melady said trying not to make a fool out of herself. Which was of course too late. "How are you guys?"asked Nikki. "We’re good. How are you guys?"said Ray. "Great,"everyone answered. "Who are all these kids?"asked Gerard. "Oh ummm.... we all kinda have cancer,"said Melady. As soon as she said it their eyes had already built up tears. "Oh,"the guys said. Everyone could tell that Gerard felt guilty for asking. "It’s okay,"said Nick. "What?"asked Frankie. "We know you guys felt guilty for asking. It’s not a big deal. We all have to die someday and there’s nothing we can do about it. All we can really do it fight until the end and not give up until everything happens,"Melady explained. "That’s true,"said Gerard. "You guys taught me that through you experiences. You guys didn’t give up until you found something you liked. You almost died finding it, but you found it. We will all follow you example." All of the guys smiled. "So what do you do in this scary place?"Gerard asked. "Well, first not pay attention to the needles. Then we just lay here and joke around most of the time. We really can’t do anything else,"Melady said. There was an awkward silence. "Have you guys ever felt a dead person fall over you?" "A what?"asked Frankie. "A dead person. It’s when you feel something is over you and you try to push it away from you, but it always comes back. You can’t scream, move, or open your eyes. You’re not asleep but you can’t open your eyes." "Now that you mention it, yes,"said Mikey."I didn’t know if I was the only one who ever felt that but yeah. That’s why I didn’t tell anyone about it." "So have I,"said Bob. "Me too,"said Ray. "Yeah me three,"said Frankie. "Me four,"said Gerard. "I don’t know if I should ask this or not. I don’t want you guys to feel sad or make you guys cry,"Melady said. "Go ahead,"said Bob. "Okay, well Gerard and Mikey I know your grandma died, if you could talk to her once again, what would you tell her?" "I would tell her how much I miss her. I would hug her and thank her for everything she did for me when I was little. I would thank her for pushing me toward the arts. I would thank her for teaching me right from wrong. I would tell her how much I love and Loved her and how much she means so me,"Gerard said. "Me too,"said Mikey. "And what would the rest of you tell the people you’ve lost?"Melady asked the rest of the guys. "That we love them and how much they meant.......mean to us. How much they helped us,"said Ray answering for the rest of them. "How do you guys tell a girl that you like her?"asked Nick. "What?!"everyone asked at the same time. "How does this come into the conversation?"Larain asked. "It doesn’t. I just wanted to get away from the sad moments,"he said. "Ohh okay,"everyone said. "You want a serious answer?"asked Gerard "Yeah,"said Nick. "I have no clue. I’m bad with girls." "What?!"all the girls said, including Angel. "Is that hard to believe?"he asked. "Yeah kinda,"Larain said. "Well yeah ask the other guys,"he said. "Just be yourself and just tell her the truth,"said Mikey. "Yeah don’t fake anything about yourself,"said Ray. "If she doesn’t like you then she wasn’t the girl for you and you should just live with it,"said Bob. "Yeah,"Gerard and Frankie said lost in thought. "Well Melady since these guys know what the hell they’re doing, and since they gave me some strength to do this. And since I need to tell this to someone before I leave, which I hope it’s not too soon. I want to ask you something. I have always tried to ask you this but I never wanted to because I was scared that..........."she stopped him before he fainted. "Nick can we hurry the speech up?"she asked. "Yeah I’m getting old,"said Larain. He threw dagger eyes at her and she just stuck her tongue out at him. "Melady, do you want to be my girlfriend?" She thought about it for a second. Everyone was just looking at her just waiting for her answer. Even Gerard, Mikey, Frankie, Ray, and Bob were looking at her and leaning in toward her. "Why’s everyone looking at me like that?"Everyone leaned back and looked at a different direction scratching their necks.."Well, Nick, it all depends on one thing." "What?"he said anxiously. "Do you want to be my boyfriend?" "Yeah,"he said as soon as she finished her question,"I’ve never felt like this over a girl and you’re the first one I’ve ever felt something like this for." "Then I guess you got a girlfriend." Everyone just smiled. "Why me though?"Melady asked curiously. "Since the first day I saw you I loved you. And then I met who you really were and that made me love you more. And because you helped me get through James’s death. You knew how much he meant to me and even though you loved him yourself, you let him go. You made me feel better. You knew things I didn’t. And I thank you for all of that and that’s how I knew you were the one for me,"he said. "Whose James?"asked Bob. "He was our friend. He was only five and he died in this hospital in front of us,"Melady said quietly."He slept in that spot. We all miss him." "What type of cancer did he have?"asked Ray. "He had lung, bone, throat cancer, and had been detected with diabetes not too long ago,"Larain explained. "Wow, how long did he survive with all of that?"asked Frankie. "You really want to know?"asked Nikki. "Yeah,"they all said. "Five years. All of his life,"said Nick. "Wow, he was a strong little kid,"said Mikey. "He was also a fan you guys,"Melady added. "Let’s talk about the future and not the past,"said Angel. "Okay,"Melady said. "How are you guys doing on tour?"Adam asked. He finally talked. "We’re doing good. We’ve had more then 50,000 people come to our shows. This was just in 4 shows we did,"Mikey said. "How are you and Alicia doing?"asked Nikki. "We’re really good." "That’s good. How are you and Jamia, Frankie?" "We’re also good." "That’ good." "How are you families?"asked Larain. "They’re all good. They’re happy and everything,"said Ray. "Bob, I have always wondered this and I know you probably won’t want to answer this, but uh..............who’s that skank who hurt you?"asked Melany. "I don’t want to remember that. I have gotten over that.,"he said. "Oh okay, we understand,"she said to him holding his hand to try and comfort him. To Melady it seemed more like she was trying to make him forget about his horrible past. "Thanks,"he said. "Where are you going for next tour?"Melady asked. "We’re going to Japan,"Mikey said. "SUSHI!"Melady and Melany yelled at the same time. "Sorry,"Melady said. They looked a bit freaked out."We just have the tendency to scream that whenever we hear the word Japan." "Ohhh,"they said. "How long is the tour going to be?" asked Nikki. "Three months,"Frankie answered. "Can you bring us a souvenir and we’ll pay you back?"asked Nick. "NICK!"everyone yelled but the guys. They just chuckled under their breath. "What? I said we’d pay them back." "Still you can’t ask them that. They were nice enough to be here and you ask them to bring you something else. They took time out of their busy schedules just to be here. They probably had something more important to then to be here,"Larain said. She still wanted to keep going. "Okay, I get it. Jeez! I should’ve never opened my big mouth." "Uh-hu,"everyone said but the guys. "Do they always fight like this?"asked Ray. "Oh yeah, maybe even more,"Angel said. "More?"asked Gerard. "Oh yeah,"she replied. They started to laugh. "Don’t you ever get tired of them?"asked Gerard. "Naw, you at lease have something to laugh about in this place. Here there’s only two things. Sadness and pain. They give us something to laugh about. They just bring laughs. Now just put Adam, Nick, and Larain in the same room and you’ll have a laugh attack. And just make sure you have a dipper,"Melady said. "Nice,"said Mikey. "I know right." "Yep,"the rest of them said. "We should’ve been here a long time ago,"said Gerard. "That’s true,"the rest of the guys said. When that was over, someone came in. "Hey Brian,"said Gerard. "Guys we have to go,"he said. "No,"said Bob. "You have to,"Brian responded. "No,"the guys said with a sweet little voice and putting puppy eyes and everything. "Yes,"he said. "No,"they said again. "Guys just go before you make him have an attack,"said Nikki. "But we don’t want to leave,"said Ray. "Go and do what you always do,"said Melany. "Yeah what’s that?"asked Mikey. "Go help people,"Melady said. "Where are you going?"Larain asked. "We’re gonna be one TRL,"Frankie said. "Oh then we’ll be watching,"Melady said. "You will,"they all said. "Yeah,"we all said. "Okay then we have to catch a flight,"said Ray. Before they left they gave the girl a kiss on the cheek and the guys on handshake. "We’ll come back,"Bob said as he was leaving, and Brian pushed all of them out,"and we’ll stay in touch." "Okay, bye,"we all said. They were taken away and they were all surprised they weren’t scared to touch them. Even their families are afraid to do it. That’s probably another reason why they loved them so much. Without noticing it was already time to take more medications and sleep. Not because they were sleepy, but because the medications were so strong. They would be asleep for the rest of the day.
Posted on 09/21/2007 5:24 PM Comments (0)
September 18, 2007Cancer-Chapter 6:James's FuneralCancer-Chapter 6:James's Funeral
It had been a week since James had died. No one was completely up in spirit, but Nick did all he could to help everyone. Including Melady. She had been in the hospital for two weeks and she had been through so much. It was crazy! She felt a lot better. Better then day one, anyway. A lot better then day one. The medication got stronger every day, though. But as everybody knew, Melady wasn’t going to give up in any shape, form, or way. Not now, not ever! It still wasn’t over. James’s aunt came in to ask everyone if they wanted to go to the funeral. No one wanted to stay. Everybody immediately said yes. Even Angel who was one of the sickest ones wanted to go. She didn’t care and everyone could tell. She was his best friend. She was the only one here around his age. When they told the doctor they wanted to go, he completely said no. Everyone begged and begged and begged to be able to go. Melany wasn’t even a sick one and she still begged for them. "Please doc! Please! James would have wanted us to be there,"Melany said. "Are you even sick?"asked the doctor. "No I just want them to go and they wanna go. Look at them. Look at their little faces saying ‘Please let me go. Please let me go’."Everyone put on their puppy face, but they all put Angel in the front. No one could say no to her."We won’t be bad please let us go,"Melany begged. "Alright, alright. I’ll let you guys go,"said the doctor. "Yes,"everyone said instantaneously. Melady looked at Nick. "Nick you can’t keep up with this. We’re gonna say good-bye to him. Not forever. Just for a little while."He smiled at her. That afternoon nurses came in with clothes. No only clothes, but clothes that a normal person would use. They were black, too. They also came in with wheel chairs. Everyone needed one except Melany. Everyone separated their rooms with a curtain so they could change. Some nurses and doctors had to help some of them get changed. Nurses helped the girls and doctors helped the guys. Melady got help from Melany and a nurse. Everyone got changed and on to a wheel chair. They also brought in wigs for the girls. But no one wanted to wear one. Melady was the first to refuse. Larain, Nikki, Melany, and Melady were wearing black girls suits with a white dress shirt under it and with black high heel shoes.. Angel was wearing a small black dress, with black shoes, and long white socks. Adam and Nick wore black dress shirts with black dress pants and dress shoes. Everybody got onto their wheel chair and went outside where there was a black limo waiting for them. Nurses and doctors helped everyone get in and they left. In the limo no one said anything. Everyone was trying to get ready to what was going to be seen. No one knew what to expect. Melady didn’t want to go, but she was going because Little James would’ve wanted her to be there and She wanted to make one of his last wishes come true. When they got to the church, there were people helping them get out. Everyone who didn’t know them just stared as if they were clowns lost on the streets. Some introduced themselves and the guys introduced themselves too. When all of them got off, those same people and Melany helped them go inside the church. When everyone got in and they saw James’s coffin, the room was immediately filled with sadness and grief. There were people crying everywhere. Everyone’s hearts was filled with sadness, grief, and somehow there was a bit of happiness. When James’s aunt saw them, she went to say hi to them. She told everyone who had a wheel chair to put them next to her. People went up to his coffin, laid a flower, and said a few words about him. Every time someone said something Melady’s heart started to cry. Angel, Larain, Nikki, Nick, Adam, Melany, and Melady did the same. Angel was the first one to go. "James was one of my bestest friends. Well the only one, really. He was a nice person. He had the best hear in the world. He didn’t hurt anyone. He made us all happy and when he smiled he made our hearts move a lot faster. I’m going to miss him,"she said with tears running down her soft face. Next was Nikki. "James was a good boy. He made everyone laugh and like Angel said every smile he gave, it made our hearts beat really fast. And we had to give that same smile back. Even though I’m seventeen and he was only five we were good friends and that friendship was one of the best in the world."She said it looking like she was remembering him and all the little thing they went through together. Larain was up next. "It’s like both of them said. He was the best boy you could ever meet. He didn’t like hurting anyone and he loved everyone that he saw. Even if it was a door handle. His smiles made our day be sunny even if it was clouded outside. He was a little boy who gave us hope all the time,"said Larain with her eyes filling up with tears. Melany was going up. "One thing we all agree on is that James was a special little boy. He was the best boy anyone could ever meet. He would always make me feel better. Everyone always asks me why I can’t be normal. And they want me to be normal, but James would always tell me how weird I was and how much he loved it, and how he thought there should be more people like me in this world. You know just to cheer people up. He was the best kid, friend,.and brother anyone could ever have had."Melany was crying her eyes out. Melady was up next. "This is for you little buddy,"she whispered to his coffin."Even though I knew him for about a week, I could see the life in his eyes. When I felt like I couldn’t take anymore with my sickness, he would always give me strength. He didn’t have any means to hurt anyone. He always wanted to help. He had the best smile anyone could ever imagine. He made our days better when everything was going oh so wrong. He was a good.......the best kid in the world." Melady was crying so much it seemed like water falls were falling down her face. Nick was next and he was really going to make everyone cry. Everyone sensed it before he got up there. "To all of us he was a person who we loved and cared about. He was always there for me. When I first met James, I was in the hospital bed waiting for my time to come. But that time never came thanks to James. He helped me get through some of the chemotherapy. I didn’t........."he stopped for a few moments and kept going "I didn’t love him like a friend but as a brother. A little brother. He was the only thing I thought through my chemo and that’s why I kept going. Today I’m sad but I’m also happy and no one should be sad. He wouldn’t have wanted us to be sad. A friend once told me ‘This good-bye isn’t forever. It’s just for a little while’ and she’s right he’s still not gone. He’s still in our hearts and he’ll live on forever as long as we keep him alive." Melady felt as if her heart was going to pop out any moment. Melany and Melady held hands through the whole thing. Every time they got sad their hands tightened. Adam went up, but he couldn’t fine the right words. "James is an undescribable person. I have no other thing to say. He’s was just the best,"was all Adam said and everyone knew he was right. All the things of the things everyone said weren’t enough to describe James. When they left the church, they headed to the cemetery. He was going to be in the same cemetery Melady’s grandmother was buried in. When they to the cemetery, Melady was surprised to see that he was going to be right next her grandmother. She hadn’t visited her in a long time and this was a great opportunity. She visited while she said good-bye to someone else. It was painful on both sides. She hadn’t visited in such a long time, she had almost forgotten how it looked like. It wasn’t as beautiful as before. They forgot all about her because of me. She thought. I’m everything everyone is worried about. Her expression was in disgust. She never wanted anything to be like this. She felt as if her time to go was going to be at that exact moment. Now all she saw was people crying in front of her. No one was happy anymore. At least not in front of her. When everything was over, they went back to the hospital. When they got there, nurses and doctors were waiting for them outside to get them inside. When they got to the room, they gave them the choice to either take a shower or just take off the clothes and go to sleep. It was only 4 P.M. but everyone was exhausted. It had been a long day even though it still wasn’t over yet. Their eyes and bodies were just tired of crying. It seemed as if no one could let one more tear escape their eyes. It seemed like the next tear was going to come out as blood. Everyone had the biggest headache. Everyone took the bath and went to sleep. None of them had had any medication all day, so that’s why most of them felt weak. The nurses got Melady into bed and she wanted to go right to sleep, but she couldn’t until they put all the needles back in. All of them had to do the same. It seemed as if they could cry from the pain of the needles, but their eyes were so dried out and they looked so sleepy they couldn’t cry at all. Everyone just made faces. When everyone had their needles in place everyone fell asleep. Their eyes felt like bricks and once they were shut they stayed shut. Melady wanted to wake up but it was too hard for her. Melany had stayed with them the whole time. For some reason it seemed as if she like the hospital more then her house. She spent her time there. Everyday after school she would go to the hospital just to be with them. She took her homework and tortured Melady with it. Most of the time Melady pretended like she was too tired to help her. She did it on purpose though. She really believed that Melady would survive even though she knew it wasn’t going to happen.
Posted on 09/18/2007 2:52 PM Comments (1)
September 16, 2007The DarkThe Dark Well yesterday was kinda crazy. I had to wake up at 8 a.m., do chores, and leave. I had to go to marching band. Practice for about 3 1/2 hours, get sunburned,eat-at school-, and go compete. On the bus I road, there were only 16 kids, including me, and like 4 or 5 adults. We were singing random songs, cracking jokes, or just talking. We got changed on the bus. Girls on 2 of the buses and guys on the other 2 buses. But girls actually only got 1 bus to change on because fucken Color Guards got a bus all to themselves. I don't know why but they think we need them more then they need us. Anyways we had to compete against many other band and we were in class A and there was A, B, C. A is the hardest. We didn't win anything because another band-HOMSTED- took it all. No other band got anything in our class. Only another band and they actally tied with HOMSTED. We were the first in our class to compete. Then after we competed, we had to get changed and meet with the band directors. We got some snacks and water and we left to see other bands compete. I won't lie there were some fucken awsome bands. Better then us. But we did very extreamley great. Everyone felt great after that. And due to the fact that many of us were either injured, hurt, sick, supposed to be in bed due to girl problems, or basically not feeling good at all. We did magnificent. I'm proud of everyone in the whole band. And we were also the smallest band we only have 105 people and everyother band has 200 or more people in their band. When we left, the same people on the buses. We did the same things going back home, and when we got home, it was about 11:30 p.m. My brother and I got back home at like 12. We went to Mikey D's because we hadn't eaten anything since 3. And we were tired. We got home said good night to our parents and I just dropped on the bed and went to sleep. I was tired. I was in school from 11:30 A.M. to like 12:00 P.M. basically 11 1/2 hours in school.
Posted on 09/16/2007 5:39 AM Comments (1)
July 29, 2007Cancer-Chapter 5: James's Is GoneCancer Chapter 5: James's Is Gone The next few days were kind of exhausting. People came in and out, visitors doctors, nurses, and just a whole bunch of people checking on them. Especially Little James. He wasn’t doing very good. Not even his aunt’s visits could help him get energy. Everyone knew what was going to happen. Everyone tried to put his spirit up as high as they could, but it just didn’t work. Melany and James had really hit it off. They were good friends. He looked like the little brother she had always wanted.. A little angel like James. She already had a brother, but she would change him for James. "James do you want me to read you a story?"asked Nick. He was really close to James. He acted like his older brother. "Do you want to read me a story?"James asked him with his sweet little voice. "Yeah, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to." "Okay, Nick. Bye bye everyone." Everyone looked at each other. No one knew what he meant with bye bye. They didn’t really want to know either. Everyone knew the time was near but no one knew it was this near. No one knew this was going to be his last story. No one knew his mind. No one tried to know either and if you did, he didn’t want you to know. "Which one do you want me to read you?"Nick asked. "Tell me the story about the little boy that had cancer and died,"he said. "What?"everyone thought. "What do you mean?"Nick asked. "The story where a little boy named James has cancer and he dies." Melady couldn’t hold tears back. No one could, so they just let them go. James knew his time was up. No one wanted it to be over. He was just a little kid. He was only five years old. "Once there was a little boy whose name was James. He had a family with a sister. He loved his family and they loved him. But one day horrible news clouded James’s life. He had cancer,"said Nick with tears coming down his face. He tried to keep on going, but he just couldn’t. He got up and walked over to James’s bed. When he got there and saw James, he saw hi without a breath. Lying on his bed looking like he was asleep. Nick just grabbed James and hugged him as tight as he could. I pushed the nurse button a few times and a nurse came in. "Do you need anything?"she asked before she saw Nick and James. She ran out the door and back with doctors. "NO,"Nick yelled at the top of his lungs. "Nick please,"said the nurse. "NICK, THEY HAVE TO TAKE HIM,"Melady said trying to calm him down. Melany came in. "MEL...........,"she stopped. "Melany, come here,"Melady said. Melany ran over to her. "Help me,"Melady demanded. "No you have to stay here,"Melany argued. "Are you gonna help me or not?" "Yeah"she said. She helped Melady up and it took some of the strength Melady had left. When they got to Nick, Melady, somehow, made him let go. He didn’t have much strength either. "Melady they’re gonna take him,"he said. "Yeah I know. I know,"Melady said trying to calm him down. He was hugging her with the strength that he had left. She just let him hug her. He just sat there listening to her heart. Drenched in tears and memories. Memories that he couldn’t go back to. Memories that would only be that. Moments he would miss. Everyone in the room was crying. Even Melany and she didn’t even know what had just happened. About an hour past. Nick and Melady were back in their hospital beds. No one said a word. James’s aunt came in and she saw his empty bed. "Where’s James?"she asked. No one said anything. "Nick where’s James?"she asked again looking at him. He turned away. "No Nick please don’t say that. Please tell me it’s all a sick joke,"she said with contagious tears running down her face. She ran to Nick and hugged him and he held her with no problem. Melany looked at Melady. "What happened?"asked Melany. "It’s Little James,"Melady said. "Has he...........,"she stopped in mid sentence. "Yeah,"she said. Both of them hugged and cried again. "No Melady. I thought he was just feeling bad. I..................." Everyone was crying and no one said anything. Melany had almost fallen in love with Little James. He would always look forward to seeing her. They became good buddies. He would always tell her how weird he thought she was, and you couldn’t disagree with him. It was to hard not to. "I’m sorry Mel, but we all knew it had to happen,"Melady told her. Melany was just in too much shock. "I know,"she finally said. After that everyone just sat in their own bed and Melany sat in a chair. No one spoke. No one wanted to see anyone. Melady didn’t want to see her family and neither did the others. No one wanted them to see them like that. Through the whole day, one by one fell asleep. First Angel fell asleep. Then it was Larain. After that it was Adam and Nikki. Melany fell asleep in the chair. One of the nurses got her a bed and Melady woke her up so she could get up on it. She called her parents and told them that she was going to sleep in the hospital for that night and they said yes. Nick and Melady were the only ones that were awake at the end. "I’m sorry,"Melady said. "It’s alright,"he said."We all knew it had to happen." "Not about that,"she said. "Then for whar?" "For making you let go of him. I feel guilty. I mad you let go of the person you really cared about. I..........................,"she said sobbing. "No, no, thank you,"he said. "I can’t help to think that we’re never going to see him again,"Melady said. He slowly got up and he slowly walked over to her bed. He laid in her bed with her. It hurt him getting up. He picked her up a little bit and made her lay on his chest. "You know, I never had a person like James. He always made me laugh and I made him laugh. When he first got here, he wasn’t as sick as when he was alive a few hours ago. We play when we got up. He was so energetic and that’s why I loved him so much. He was the only thing that made me happy. His aunt looked at us play and she was happy because she couldn’t see him happy ever since his parents died." "You knew his parents?" "Yeah they loved him so much. His sister was a really nice. She didn’t fight with him at all." "Wow." "You know what?" "What?" "I’m kinda happy he’s dead. He’s with his family. He’s safer wherever he is then here. He’s free from this hospital bed and he’s probably running around like crazy right now. He’ll be with me all the time. He’ll be in my heart and in my memories." Melady looked at him and he looked at her. Their lips got closer and closer and there was a lip lock. Both of them fell asleep just by talking about some of the memories Nick had with James. How they played together and everything. Then everything fell in silence and everyone was asleep.
Posted on 07/29/2007 1:19 PM Comments (4)
Cancer-Chapter 4: More Sad LivesCancer Chapter 4: More Sad Lives When Melady woke up the next day, the doctors and nurses were already checking on her. She wanted to leave the hospital as fast as possible. Too bad she couldn’t get up. She didn’t have enough strength. She couldn’t even pick you her arm, that’s how weak she was. The only thing closest to being outside was a huge window located on the other side of the room. "How do you feel?"asked one of the nurses. "Weak,"Melady responded. "Hm, you should go back to sleep." "If I could I would. I wouldn’t think about it twice, either." The nurse laughed and so did Larain. A guy who was on Melady’s left side, also laughed. Melady turned to look at him. "Hey,"he said. "Hi,"Melady said politely. "What’s your name?"he asked. "Melady. What’s yours?" "Nick. How old are you?" "Fourteen you?" "Fourteen." "Nick stop trying to hit on her,"Larain said playfully. A guy on Larain’s right side laughed and so did Melady. "What’s your name?"she asked him. "Adam,"he responded unable to stop laughing."Yours?" "Melady,"she said once again."Nice to meet you guys. I needed a laugh." "Well that’s what we’re good at,"Nick said. "Literally,"Larain said. "So what’s you guys’ sad story?"Melady asked. "Mine is that I have cancer and that’s it. I got mad fun of in school and my grandpa died from it, too. So did my dad and well I guess I was the only one left,"said Adam. "Wow,"Melady said,"your life is just like mine, except your grandpa and dad died from it, too. I’m the first one in my family." "Really?" "Yeah, what’s your past, Nick?" "I don’t have a big story. My parents were killed when I was little. I got adopted at the age of 4 and they had 3 kids already. They also got killed and since I was only 12 when that happened, I had to go back to an orphanage. When I got adopted again, I found out I had cancer." "Wow long story into a small one. Cool! I couldn’t have done that,"Melady said. "Me either,"said Larain,"but why couldn’t you have done that for me?" "Um.....I don’t know,"Nick said. "Ah mean,"she said. "Who’s that?"Melady asked pointing to a girl across the room. "I’m Nikki,"she said. "Oh I thought you were asleep. I’m sorry,"Melady said embarrassed. "It’s okay." "How old are you?" "I’m 17. You?" "I’m 14. So what’s your story?" "Well I don’t really have a story. I found out that I had cancer when I was 15. My whole family is together and I went through the same thing you and brainless over there went through in school,"she said pointing at Nick. "What type of cancer were you detected?"Melady asked. "Blood cancer,"she said. "All of us here are kids. Are there any adults that have cancer?" "Yeah but they keep them in a different room,"Larain explained. "Ohhhhhhhh, okay." "That’s where my parents are,"said a little girl next to Nick. "Your parents?"Melady asked. "Yeah, they have cancer like me,"she said. "What’s your name?" "Angel, what’s yours?"she asked with her big eyes. "Melady,"she answered."How old are you?" "Eight. What about you?" "Fourteen." "What type of cancer do you have?" "Brain cancer. I know I can’t survive."Oh my god, Melady thought to herself. How can a little 8 year old know why she’s in here for, and what’s gonna happen to her?"I thought I had a really bad life, but now I know about all of you. My life was a piece of cake. My cancer is really bad and I have no chance of surviving and I want to know all of you more. But my time is gonna be gone in a few days,"Melady cried. "You’ll be okay,"Nikki said. "Yeah, you’ve got all of us,"said Angel. "Thanks, I haven’t known you for a long time, but I know that I love all of you like my brothers and sisters." "Awwwwww, we do, too,"said Adam. Time went really fast in the hospital. It was already noon and it was visiting time. All of the families, if they had families, came in at the same time. By the time all of them got out, it was night time and all of them were worn out. They all went right to sleep and that was the end of the day. Their day anyway.
Posted on 07/29/2007 12:42 PM Comments (1)
May 26, 2007Cancer-Chapter 3: Little James's LifeCancer Chapter 3: Little James's Life The next morning Melady woke up with a lot of pain on her arms. I should've never taken out the needles. She though. They were aching as if she had cut each spot ten times with a knife. There were five needles going in through her veins, so it was like fifty cuts on her skin. So you can imagine the pain she felt. She tried to ignor the pain, but it was too hard. The pain was just enormous. Her parents came in and she had a stright face on. She was pretending like she didn't have any pain at all. She knew that they were going to find sooner or later because she could see some raw skin coming out. She didn't put them on right the night before. It was so dark so she couldn't see anything at all. The needles were thick aso that helped a lot. Only doctor and nurses could put those in the right way. They had practice. Melady didn't. "Mom, dad, I have a question for you guys,"she told them. "Yeah." "Am I going to die?" she asked them. They looked at each other and they didn't say anything. Even though she knew the truth, she had to see if they would tell her the truth. She had to test them. "Of course not,"said her dad. "Why lie?" "What do you mean?"asked her mom. "You guys would just lie to me. I am going to die. I know it. I know I also have lung cancer. I know about it. I know that it's advanced. I know I can't save myself now. That's why I couldn't breath that day. Why would you lie to me like that?" "How did you know about that?"asked her dad. "I heard the doctor telling you last night." He grabbed one of her arms."OWWWWWWWWWW." He looked at her arm and he was in shock. Her arms were bleeding and there was more raw skin coming out. "Melady what happened?" "This is from last night. I took out all of the needles and when I put them back I guess I didn't put them in right." In less then 10 seconds her dad's hands were dreanched in blood. Her mom went to get a nurse. When the nurse came in she immidately went to get a doctor and a lot of bandages. When she raised her arm blood just started to drop in large quantities. She had to get stiches so the bleeding would stop. It took them 30 minutes to get everything done. She also had to get a new bed because the other one was covered in blood. She felt a little better when they got everyting into place. Her arms were aching and swollen. Not as much as before. but enough so that no one could touch them. She felt very weak because she lost a lot of blood. This was the second time she had lost a lot of it. She was looking like a ghost because of how white she was. She would be better in about 12 hours. She still had to have many machines or whatever on her arms. She fell asleep and she woke up about 4 hours later. When she opened her eyes she saw Melany. She wa sitting right beside her and she was crying. Melady was tired of seeing people cry. She didn't want anyone to be sad, but she had to deal with it. She couldn't stop people from being sad or pissed off. It was just a part of everyone. "Hey Mel,"Melady said in a very sleepy voice,"what up?" "This is the second time I almost lost you. It's getting old. Now everytime you are looking like you're going to die, I'm gonna call the doctor. Don't try to be strong because it's not going to work." She was sad and pissed off. Melady could tell she tried to make it seem as if she was just mad. But it didn't really work. "I'm sorry. I have given you a hard time, haven't I?"Melady said. "I'm just glad you're okay,"she said while wrapping her arms around Melady's shoulders. She tried not to move her arms. She could tell that Melany was grossed out, too. "Can you get me that mirror that's on the counter?"Melady asked. "Yeah for what?" "Just to see how pale I am." "Here." Melany handed it to her and she looked at herself in it. "Hu, I don't look pale at all. A couple hours ago I looked like a ghost. Do you know what that means?" "What?" "I'm getting slightly better," Melady said. She pushed the nurse botton and in about 1 minute one was in her room. "Did you need something?"asked the nurse. "Yeah, can I go back into the room with all of the kids who have cancer like me?" "Um I don't know. I'll ask if you want me to." "Please and thank you." "I'll be back in about 5 minutes." She left the room leaving Melady and Melany alone. She was back in those five mintues with a doctor. Melady really wanted to go back into the room. She didn't feel like being alone in her last few days of life. She needed to be near people like her. She just had to be. "So can I go back?"Melady asked. The doctor just looked at her. "How do you feel?"asked the doctor. "A lot better then I did yesterday." "Okay. You can go back." "Thanks." She got moved back into the room as soon as it was possible. The doctor just said yes because he know I don't have much time left. She thought. As soon as the doctor put Melady in the room and left, Larain started to ask questions. "Are you okay? What happened? How do you feel?"she asked one after another. "Catch your breath why don't ya. I'm okay but----------"she stopped for a second."Well I not only have bone cancer but I have lung cancer too." "What?" "I don't have much time left." "At least you'll have time,"said a little kid from the other side of the room. "Why?"Melady asked. "Because I only have a day or two to live and I know it."He looked like he was 4 or 5 years old. "That's James. He's 5 years old and he has so many types of cancer it's crazy,"Larain explained."It's surprising he's still alive." "What do you mean?" "He has brain cancer, lung cancer, throat cancer, bone cancer, and he was detected diabetes not too long ago, and he's only five." Melady felt like crying, but she didn't want to cry. She had already seen many people cry, she didn't want to be one of them. "He doesn't talk much. He wishes that he could,"Larain kept on explaining. "Why?" "Well since he has throat cancer, he gets tired very easily. Not only does that affect him, but the other cancers do, too." "How long has he been here?" "He's been here for about 10 months."Melady looked at hime and he was fast asleep. "Where are his parents?" "He's an orphan. His parents died in a car accedant when they were coming to see him. It was really snowy outside and well I guess the car just slid and they were on a high way. The car slid out of the road and they hit a car down below and the people in the other car died, too." Melady thought her life was horrible before she met those two. She thought her life was chaos. Her life was heaven compared to theirs. She never thought something like that could happen to such a sweet little kid. He was only five. What's the worst thing that he could've done? Probably played a prank on his brother or sister if he has or had any. "How did you know?"Melady asked. "Well, his aunt and uncle came and vistited him and he asked them. And well they explained it to him. Man you should've seen how sad he looked. When they told him he almost died." "I'm surprised at how many types of cancers he's got. Plus diabetes, he's a strong little kid." "How does he know he's gonna die in a day or two?" "He's been here so long, and well when you're here for a long time, like him, you sort of know when it's gonna happen." "And how do you know this?" "That's what happened to another little girl who was here. I had just been here for like a day, and I met her. She told me that she was going to die in a few hours and she did." Melady was feeling tried again for some reason. She didn't want to sleep, though. She didn't have much time left and she wanted to enjoy as much as she could of the life that was left for her. She got to the point where her eyelids got so heavy, they just shut and she couldn't pick them up anymore.
Posted on 05/26/2007 9:53 AM Comments (1)
May 20, 2007Cancer-Chapter 2: The End Of LifeCancer Chapter 2: The End Of Life When she woke up again she was in the hospital. She heard many machines beeping and she saw at least five needles going in through her veins. One of the needles was for blood. The one on one of her wrists was for a machine. The one on the back of her elbow was for some type of liquid. The one on her other wrist was for another liquid. The one on the top of her hand was for an unknown reason. In other words she didn't know what it was for. All of them hurt extreamly bad. She had some machine on her right index finger. At this time the only way she could breathe was with help from a machine. She looked at the window and she saw that it was night time. Her mom was sitting on a chair right next to her. She was holding her hand with her head lying on it. She tried to move her hand ,but she was so weak she couldn't even lift her fingers. "Mom,"she said in a whisper. Her mom woke up almost immidiately. "Honey, you're okay,"she said with tears in her eyes. She couldn't tell if they were tears of happiness or saddness. She wrapped her arms around Melady giving her the tightest hug anyone had ever given her. "Mom where's Melany?"she asked. "She was outside with her parents but she left a couple hours ago,"her mom responded. "Is she okay?" "Yeah why?"she asked very concerned."Did something happen?" "No, I just saw how worried she was when I fell to the ground. Well I couldn't exactly see her, but when she was yelling my name she seemed pretty worried." "Oh she's okay." There was silence for a minute. "I wanna see her,"said Melady. "Rest today and you can see her tomorrow when she comes back,"she said while she brushed Melady's bald head. Melady did as she was told to do. She got comfortable and closed her eyes. She could hear her mom crying as she left and closed the dorr. Even though she had slept for many hours for some reason she was still very tired. All the beeping noises were from other kids in the room, as well. It took her a while to get to sleep because of all the beeping. She fell into a very deep sleep and she thought she wasn't going to wake up again. It was as if someone had glued her eyes shut. The next day she woke up like at 8:00 a.m., she tried to get up but a nurse wouldn't let her. "Nurse,"she said. "Yes,"she responded politly. "Who are these other kids?"Melady asked. "All of them have the same diease as you," she explained. Melady could tell that she didn't want to say the word cancer. Melady could tell that she didn't want to make her feel bad. She just turned around and left. When the nurse left, her eyelids started to get heavy again. It felt like she had bricks. After five minutes she fell asleep again. She was feeling very tired and usually she wouldn't feel so tired. When she woke up for the second time, her parents were in the room. "Hi dad,"Melady said weakly. He was crying when she saw him. "Why are you crying?" she asked. "Because you're okay,"he responded. He gave her a bigger and tighter hug then her mom. "We have a surprise for you,"said her mom. "What is it?"she asked very curiously. They looked at the door and a whole bunch of people she knew entered. It was her whole family. They all entered and everyone stood in the back. Usually they would've come and gave her a kiss, but not today. Everyone was crying and quiet. They were hiding something. She knew they were because that's how they acted when her grandmother had died. "Why are you guys sad?"she asked in a small scream. When she screamed her whole body got tired. "Because you're okay,"said her Aunt Marie. "No you're not crying because of that. You would usually come and give me a hug and all of you would be slap happy. Thi is the same way you all acted when my grandma died and you didn't want to tell me. What's the deal?" she said in a mad voice trying to make it seem as if she weren't getting more and more tired. And as soon as everyone saw that she was getting angry, they started to act like they would usually act. One by one, they came up to her and gave her a big hug and a big kiss on the cheek; while they were crying in her ear. "Why are you crying?"she asked. "We told you, we're happy that you're okay. We thought we had lost you,"said her Aunt Layla. "Well I'm very sorry to say that I'm not buying it,"she said calmly. They all stayed there a couple hours than one of the nurses came in and told them they had to go because her and all of the other kids had to rest. She was feeling very sleepy. Melady tell all of them were sleepy. As soon as everyone left she fell right asleep. They all woke up an hour later. There was a girl on the right side next to her. She looked her age, fourteen. She was looking right at Melady, as well. "Hi,"Melady said. "Hi,"she responded. "What's your name?" "Larain, what's yours?" "I'm Melady. How old are you?" "I'm fourteen. You?" "Fourteen." "You're lucky,"Larain said with tears in her eyes. "Why?" 'I saw your family and you actually have parents that love you,"she said. "Don't you?" "No, my mom thinks it was my fault my dad left us when I was little. After he left he got into a car crash and died." "Oh, I'm sorry,"Melady said wishing that she hadn't asked that question. "It's okay. I've learned to live with it." "Who do you live with?" "I live with my aunt. She really cares about me. She treats me like the daughter she always wanted but could never have." "Why didn't she have her own children?" "She was married, but she can't have kids. Her loser of a husband left her for the same reason. After she saw how my mom treated me, my mom gave me to her. It really hurt me but hey at least I know someone cares about me." "Why didn't they adopt one?" "He didn't want to." "Oh, how long have you been here?" "About five months." "How did you get here?" "I was living at my mom's and she wouldn't care about me feeling good or bad. I felt really bad so I didn't tell her a thing. My aunt was over and she told my mom that I looked very pale. But my mom said that I was only pretending to be sick so I could get attention. When I fell to the ground, I heard her say that I was pretending again. My aunt brought me here and they did a series of exams. They said that I didn't have anything. They checked my blood and they found out that I had blood cancer. After that I was very different. When my mom found out she said tht she didn't want me anymore. She was very drunk and she told everyone that I had aids. My aunt go mad and well she tole my mom that I was going to live with her and my mom said yes." "I thought my life was bad." "Why?" "When everyone in my school found out that I had cancer, someone thought it would be funny to start a rumor that said that I had aids." "You actually went to school? How does it feel? How is it?" "Well you know like any other school." "No not really. My mom never got me to go to school. Neither did my aunt because I have been in here ever since I moved in with her." "Oh, you have had cancer since five months ago?" "Well yes and no. I had cancer before. I have had it for about a year and I didn't find out until now. What about you?" "I've had it since I was nine." "Do you have friends?" "Yeah." "You do?" "Well no." "Which is it?" "I do but all of them but one didn't want to be my friend because they thought I had aids. That was when the rumor started." "Oh what's her name?" "Melany." "I wish I had a friend." "You already do." "I do? Who?" "Me." "You are?" "Yeah." Melady could tell she was excited. She could hear it int her voice. Exactly when she said yeah, Melany came in. She ran toward Melady. When she got to her she started to kiss her on the cheeks and she gave her a huge hug. "Melany I'm okay,"Melady said. "I was so worried about you." "I missed you, too," Melady said wanting to breath."Melany get off of me. I can't breath." "Oh I'm sorry." "It's okay, but don't do it again. Melany I want you to meet my new friend. This is Larain." "Hi, I'm Melany,"she said. "I'm Larain." "Okay what type of music do you like?"Melany asked her very excited. "Ummm..........mostly rock." "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,"Melany screamed. "Must you do that every time?"Melady asked. "Yes, okay what is your favorite band?" "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm................My Chemical Romance." "OH MY GOD,"Melany and Melady said at the same time. "Why?" "We love them,"said Melany. "You do? I thought I was one of the only freaks who would get excited about them liking bands that I liked before them." "We did, too,"Melady said very weakly. "Oh before I forget I know how much you love your ipod and I couldn't leave you in this place without any music. So I brought it with me so you can listen to it whenever you want to,"Melany explained. "Mel you're the best,"Melady told her. "I know that's why you love me,"she said. "No actually it's because you're a freak and because you're the only one who didn't leave me when you found out that I had cancer. But hey that works, too." "Wow! I never knew these truths,"she said pretending to cry."Awww what the heck I love you for the same reasons." They all laughed. Melady needed that. If you wanted to laugh than all you have to do is call 555-8368 for Melany to answer. If you are her friend you'll never get borde. She always has something stupid to do or say. You'll get a huge laugh at it. "Ouch,"Melady complained. "Are you okay?"asked Melany and Larain at the same time. "Yeah,"she lied. She really wasn't but she didn't want them to worry about her. "Are you sure?"asked Melany. "Last time you almost gave me a heart attack." Melady couldn't breathe and she was making signs signaling that she couldn't breathe. "Melady are you okay?"Melany asked. Melady started to shack her head and she fell to the floor. Melany ran out of the room to get a doctor and Larain licked on the nurse picture so many times, it seemed it was going to fall out any moment. Many doctors and nurses ran in and took her into another room immidiately. They put an air mask over her mouth and nose and in a few seconds she could breathe better. She was very tired after that. The doctors didn't know why she had that attack. Melady didn't have any asthma or anything. They put her through a series of test and they did one thing after another. Two days later the results of the tests were in. "Melady, how are you?" "Okay,"she said."What's wrong with me? Why did I have that attack? Am I going to be okay?" She asked. "Wow wow wow, one question at a time." "Sorry." "It's okay. Melady are your parents here? I need to talk to them." "Yeah they're outside in the hallway." He left the room she didn't want to stay with the doubt if she was okay or not. So she took all of the strength that she had left and got up. She took off all of the needles. She could see her skin streach as she took them off. She walked toward the door and when she got there she had to get ahold of something before she fell and she did. "Doctor is she going to be okay?"her dad asked. "Well, I'm sorry to say this, but Melady not only has bone cancer but lung cancer, too. SHe doesn't have much time to live. It's very advanced and we can't do anything now. I'm sorry." She got back into bed as fast as she could. She knew that they were going to be going into the room any moment. Forunately she got to bed and she put all of the needles back in as fast as she could. For some reason she remembered which one went where. She pretended to be asleep. "She looks so peaceful,"said her mom. They left and she opened her eyes again. She couldn't believe that she was going to die. She didn't want to die. She hadn't done so many things. She couldn't do them because she needed time. That's the thing she didn't have, time. The word just circled around in her head. Time--------Time----------Time-----------Time. She thought about it so much that it rocked her to sleep.
Posted on 05/20/2007 12:18 PM Comments (1)
May 11, 2007Cancer-Chapter 1: The Horror BeginsCancer This story is in honor of all of those who have cancer. I would give anything to give you guys my health. Thank you to all of those who are reading this story. I really mean it! I know many of you are gonna think I'm just saying this, but I'm not. Thanks again! =) ENJOY!
In a house in New Jersey, you could see a girl. She always sat in her window to watch kids her age play. Her name was Melady. Melady was a special 14 year old girl. She knew how to sing and do many other things others couldn't do. She had a bald head, too. She didn't want to go to school because everyone would make fun of her. She also had to leave the school every time she didn't feel good. she was special because she suffered from a very dangerous diease. That disease was called cancer. Not just cancer but bone cancer. This didn't allow her to be able to stand up for a very long time; before all of her joints started to hurt. She couldn't play or run because it would hurt her. When she was 9 years old, her and her family found out that she had cancer. They didn't know what to do since they were very poor and couldn't afford any of the medications. When her school found out, everyone in her grade made fun of her and started rumors. The main one was the one that she had aids. Everyone would always stay away from her becuase of the it. All of her friends but on, Melany, left her because of it. Melady didn't care either. Her life was already destroyed after she found out she had cancer, anyway. She was always very careful in whatever she did. Her friend, Melany, and her loved a band named My Chemical Romance. They were practically obsessed with them. When Melady listened to them she would always wish that she could meet them. But she knew it was kind of impossible with their busy scheduale. But, hey, she could wish. One day Melany and Melady were in school and the last bell had rung. Everyone as usual ran out the doors. And as usual they were always the last ones out. "What did we have for homework?"Melady asked Melany, since their lockers were right next to each other.
"We have math, language, and science," she responded. "Are you sure?" "Yeah, well at leaset that's what I didn't finish." When Melady got done putting her books in her book bag, she stood up and looked at Melany."Are you okay?" "Yeah,"Melady responded, but she felt really bad. She felt dizzy and as if she were going to faint any moment."Why?" "Because you look pale white."
They walked outside and someone bumpped outside and someone bumpped into Melady. She felt her whole body pop. She knew it didn't pop because she would've been on the ground. She kept on walking. Melany keep babbling about some guy. Melady wasn't really paying attention because she was more worried about the pain. She was pretending to listen so Melany didn't worry. It worked until Melady felt her whole body hit the ground so hard, it felt like the brusies that were going to appear later on were already building on her body. Her head hit the ground so hard that it bounced back up and she felt her skull crack. "MELADY-----MELADY-------MELADY-----MELADY,"Melany kept yelling at her, while she she her. Melady felt like telling her that she was okay, but she just couldn't. She heard teachers telling the other kids to get away so she could breathe. A teacher immidiatley went into the bulding to call someone from the office so they could call an ambulance. That was all she could hear before everything went black, and she couldn't see or hear anything after that. After a while she heard the ambulance's sireans. She heard a lady say that she was losing a lot of blood from her head and that she was very pale. She couldn't open her eyes. No matter how hard she tried to open them, she just couldn't. She felt dizzy and she fainted once more. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She knew that she had to take care of herself a lot and she did. Maybe I didn't do such a good job. She thought. Maybe I just failed. Or maybe I was just going through the proccess every person with cancer goes through and it's death.
Posted on 05/11/2007 3:22 PM Comments (3)
March 27, 2007Fears Of LifeFears Of Life No one knows what I go through in my life. My dad has a disease. My mom lost her job. My brother I bearly see. And I am all alone. Or at least that's how I feel. Every day I got through the same things. Someone always has to make fun of me. I laugh at it so I don't cry or so I don't lose it. It's hard to make people understand. When they don't eve listen. It isn't fair for many people to feel like this. It's like always wearing a mask or a costume. I can't get out of it until I get home. Then I can be who I want to be. It's hard but I can go through it. I smile to mask my fears, sadnesses, and angers. I leave so no one notices. It's hard, but I will do it. They say that I'm afraid But they don't know the half of it.
Posted on 03/27/2007 4:22 PM Comments (0)
Black RosesBlack Roses As roses grow older with days It's red beautiful petals fade to black. Then one by one peels away. It turns to black No body can stop it. No body can help it. It's almost as if the life was being sucked out of it. They're helpless They're alone They're exhausted They can't run They can't hide They're in a vase as still as can be They're in pain and agony. As more days go by their spirit slowly fades away. If they were still before, now they can bearly stand. They need a stick to help them, but everyone sees they're going away. One day it sees a new world It can't go back. Now it's untouchable. Nothing can hurt it. It's journey was long and painful, but it was worth it. Now nothing hurts. Now nothing can hurt them. Now everything is real. Now everything is happiness.
Posted on 03/27/2007 3:52 PM Comments (2)
I'm Not GrowingI'm Not Growing Everyone who saw me as a baby looks at me the same way. They want me to stay like I was. But I think we know I have to grow. They just won't except it, they think it's too early, but they have to let go at one point. For christmas I get the sam things. Toys I don't play with anymore. Barbies to me now are like antics or a collection. But I don't want them anymore. They al want me to keep playing with them, but why is it so hard for them? I feel like a 1 year old with a 14 year old brain. I can't leave the house without a bodyguard. If I do I'll get in trouble. I fell like if I were a prisoner with chains all over. They know I get tired of it, But they keep on doing it. They're afraid for me. They know that I like rock and that's why they fear. But they have to fear rap because that's what has the world like it is. They want me to be like they want me to be. Not who I want to be. So if one day you see me yelling it to their face, don't be surprised to what I might say. And if they get mad I really don't care Cause I got mad a long time ago.
Posted on 03/27/2007 3:42 PM Comments (0)
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